Welcome to the Baskervilles
by I-write-hurt-not-comfort
Summary: Collection of random crack one-shots for the Baskervilles from 100 years ago (so Levi, Oswald, Lacie and Jack) Rated T for common themes of sexual humour and alcohol
1. Chapter 1

_**(A/Ns: I said I wouldn't start any new fanfics, but this doesn't have a set plot, and none of the chapters link. I'll try to update when I can, and I'll stop when I have to. This will be a collection of one-shots, all about 500 words each. They are all just stupid ideas to do with Levi, Oswald, Jack and Lacie that me and my friend came up with. This came from the fact that Oswald is obviously a virgin, and all Levi and Oswald ever do is drink in the manga.**_

 _ **Please review. If you have any requests or idea then I'll write them.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts)**_

 **Pregnant**

It was like any other day at the Baskerville estate. Levi, Oswald and Lacie were all sitting inside the tower, where Lacie normally lived.

Levi, who was currently leaning against window sill, was twirling a strand of hair around between his middle and forefinger. Oswald was sitting on the desk across the room, his head faced downwards as he focused on Glen's paperwork. On the sofa in the middle of the room, Lacie was laying against the left side of the sofa, a hand resting over the slight bump on her stomach as she read through one of the books that Levi had written.

After a few more minutes, Levi furrowed his eyebrows, pulling the clip from the back of his hair and letting it down. He frowned, "Oswald."

Hearing his name, Oswald sat up and rolled his eyes, turning around to face his master, "Yes, Glen-sama?"

"I need you to redo my hair," Levi demanded.

Knowing he couldn't refuse, Oswald stood up and sighed, muttering to himself, "I need another drink…"

"Get me one too!" Levi called after him.

"No. You've already had enough," Oswald scolded.

Levi pouted, "So have you."

"No I haven't," he responded, "You're practically an alcoholic."

"You're my valet," Levi changed the topic, "It's your job to get me drinks."

"It's also a valet's job to correct his master's behaviour," Oswald added, walking over to where Levi was to begin working on his hair, "So no more alcohol, or otherwise you'll be whining about a hangover tomorrow morning."

Before Levi could retaliate, Lacie interjected, "Guys, shut up. I'm busy being pregnant."

At the revelation, Oswald froze completely, "Wait… you're _pregnant_?!"

"Oh, did I not tell you?" Lacie giggled, and then turned to face Levi, "I presume _you_ figured it out?"

Levi smirked, "It's what I was aiming for."

Oswald screwed his face up in disgust, "Wait… you guys… _huh_?!"

"It was an experiment," reasoned Levi, "And an enjoyable one, at that."

"Hang on… _what_?!" Oswald exclaimed, glaring at his master, "You had _sex_ with my _sister_?"

"Oh Oswald, just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you have to act so astonished at this."

"I'm… nhn…" Oswald began blushing, turning away as he started repositioning the strands of Levi's hair.

"Oh, and also," Levi grinned at Lacie, "I was wearing the same thing…"

Oswald dropped the hair he was holding that second, his face showing no expression as he walked straight out of the room and headed straight for the kitchen.

The second he was in the kitchen, he went straight to the alcohol tray, pouring a glass of whichever spirit he could grab and downing it in one.

After a few more glasses, Oswald sighed, pressing down on his head and staring at the empty bottle, "… Maybe Levi was right about the alcohol problem thing…"


	2. Chapter 2

_**(A/Ns: I wrote this at 1 am last night, when the idea came to me. Clearly, there will be a common theme of alcohol, hangovers and sex. But to be honest, I'd say that's the Baskervilles in 3 words anyway. Please review, and give me any ideas!**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts)**_

 **Sleeping**

It was an average day for Jack Vessalius. Like every other day, he was currently scrambling through bushes and trees in order to reach the Baskerville estate.

Most days, he would show up out of the blue here, to either see Lacie or Oswald.

Just as he collapsed through the final bush, Jack was shocked to see that Oswald was not standing there, ready to scold him for whatever reason he could think of. Instead, the area was completely empty, as well as the curtains to Lacie's room in the tower being shut.

"That's weird... maybe they're out?" Jack muttered to himself, as he walked across the lawn and entered the tower himself, proceeding straight upstairs to the top room.

Once he arrived, Jack noticed that the light was off. Despite this, he could still make out 2 faint voices. Curiously, he stepped inside, calling out, "Hello? Is Lacie or Osw-hmph."

He was immediately cut of, by Lacie's hand being placed over his mouth, and Levi's harsh shushing.

Levi nodded to Lacie, giving her permission to release him. Jack threw him a questioning look, before he simply stated, "Shh. Oswald's asleep."

Jack looked over to the sofa, which sat in the middle of the room opposite the bed. Immediately, he noticed Oswald, who was lying dead straight across it, with a Baskerville cloak as a cover, and his own jacket as a pillow. Despite his chest rising and falling defiantly, the room was still filled with a thick silence.

"What happened?" Jack asked the two of them, remembering to lower his voice, "It's already 10am. He's always awake by now."

"He passed out last night," Levi explained, laughing and shaking his head.

"Why? Is it funny?" Jack questioned, wondering why it appeared amusing to both Levi and Lacie.

Levi started recalling the events of last night, "He was working really hard from about 4 until 10 in the evening, and then came in here to see Lacie. Shortly after I arrived, and we had a drink. One thing leads to another, and he ended up getting wasted and passing out."

"Woah..." Jack thought about it for a few seconds, "I never pictured him as a heavy drinker."

Lacie and Levi both exchanged glances a few times, before bursting out into a low volume laughing fit.

Jack smiled awkwardly, waiting for the pair to calm down before staring back at Oswald, "I can't imagine him drunk either..."

"He doesn't really change," Lacie told him, "Just gets even more serious. And he says bad things about other people a lot more. Hehe, you should hear the things he says about you."

"He gets really grumpy with hangovers too," Levi added, walking over to the desk and picking up a pen, "And... he's a really heavy sleeper."

Jack and Lacie both watched in amusement as Levi crept over to sofa, removing the lid from the pen and stealthily drawing a moustache onto his valet's face. He stepped back defensively when he noticed Oswald stirring slightly, but was glad to see he didn't fully wake up.

Smirking to himself, Levi stood up again, holding up the pen and waving it around for anyone to take.

Before Jack could, Lacie threw her arm up, walking over to the sofa and taking the pen. She bent over, drawing two circles around Oswald's eyes, and then turning them into hippie glasses.

All 3 of them began laughing again, this time slightly louder. Reflexively, both Levi and Jack hid behind Lacie when they saw Oswald stir again.

Thankfully, he remained asleep. Lacie smiled up and Jack, placing the pen in his hand and closing his fingers around it.

Leaning up towards his ear, Lacie shot a sidelong glance at Levi before whispering in Jack's ear, "Go for the eyebrows."

The blonde nodded, edging closer to him. Just as he leant towards him, he noticed Oswald stir, but this time more consistently.

Panicked, Jack frantically stepped backwards, throwing the pen at Levi and acting as innocent as possible.

"Really?" Levi raised an eyebrow at Jack, "You're scared of him?"

Jack nodded.

The 3 of them continued staring, watching as Oswald woke up. Sitting up wearily, he furrowed his eyebrows, pressing a hand against his head.

"Argh... god... my h- what are Jack and Glen-sama doing here...?"

Lacie, Levi and Jack all glanced at each other briefly, looking back towards Oswald's confused (and vandalised) face before collapsing onto the floor in a fit of laughter.


	3. Chapter 3

**_(A/Ns: I have not forgotten about this! I just had no ideas for it. But then this was born. Basically, I realised the all the characters from 100 years ago had their ears pierced, apart from Levi. So now it's Levi's turn to get rekt! hah, jk. Thanks to my friend once again, and her amazing RP super powers. Also, I researched it and found out this is how they would've had their ears pierced in that time._**

 ** _Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts)_**

 **Piercings**

Levi, Lacie and Oswald were all sitting in the tower, Levi writing one of his novels and the two siblings on the sofa, conversing quietly.

All of a sudden, Lacie spook up, grabbing Levi's attention as Oswald turned to face him as well.

"Levi?"

"Yes?" Levi responded, dropping the pen and looking towards them.

"Oswald and I had an idea for you." Lacie patted the seat next to her. "Come and sit."

"Alright," Levi shrugged, standing up and sitting in the chair.

"Okay," Lacie started, "Me and Oswald have discussed it, and he's agreed to do it for you."

For the first time in a long time, Levi didn't feel very confident. "And… what is it?"

"Levi," Oswald said seriously, "We think that… you should get your ears pierced."

"What? Why?"

"Well, it's sort of a tradition for people of high status," Lacie explained, "Oswald has them. I have them. Even Jack has his ears pierced."

Oswald continued, "I know how to do it right. I did my own and Lacie's."

"How?" Levi asked suspiciously.

His valet stared at him, dumfounded. "… with a needle, obviously…"

"Huh? I'm not letting you stick a freaking needle through my ears!"

"Oh come on Levi!" Lacie tried to persuade him, "It doesn't hurt that much."

"Well… if you think it would benefit my social status, then… sure."

"Yay!" Lacie cheered, as Oswald stood up and retrieved a needle, ice cube and two earrings from this desk drawer. He then walked back over to Levi, taking out a cloth and cleaning his master's ears.

"Now I need you to hold still for me," Oswald requested, picking up the needle and holding it against Levi's ear lobe, "Are you ready?"

Levi nodded nervously, feeling as the other held the ice up behind his ear and pressed it against the skin. Immediately, he flinched, pulling away defensively.

"I changed my mind!" Levi yelped.

Oswald sighed, the hands holding the ice cube and needle dropping to his sides. "Come on Levi, don't be pathetic."

"Says the virgin!" Levi retorted.

"…."

"Guys," Lacie intervened, "As funny as this is, it's getting tragic now. Levi, stop being a baby."

Levi gulped, "… fine."

He sat properly again, leaning back towards Oswald.

"Can I continue now?"

Still nervous, Levi nodded briefly.

"Thank you," Oswald exhaled, once again bringing the ice cube up to Levi's ear and positioning the needle in the centre of his ear lobe. "Are you ready now?"

"… sure."

Lacie waited patiently, watching as Oswald faced her and nodded, before pushing the needle down onto Levi's ear.

The second he felt the prick of the needle, Levi leapt up, pushing Oswald's hand away and running away to the opposite side of the room. "NOPE!"

Oswald and Lacie both sighed, shaking their heads at each other and facing Levi.

"It doesn't hurt that much, seriously!" Oswald almost yelled at his master. _Almost._

"If you do it," Lacie smirked, "I'll get Lotti to give you a lap dance."

"Hm," Levi was seriously considering the offer, and eventually gave in. "Alright. Fine. But as your master, I order you to make sure it doesn't hurt."

"… I'm sticking a needle straight through your skin…" Oswald deadpanned as Levi slowly walked back over to where they were, "It's obviously going to hurt a little bit."

Levi froze in his tracks, turning around on the spot and walking straight out of the room. Oswald and Lacie watched as he left, both face palming.

As he descended the stairs and walked out onto the grass in front of the tower, he instantly spotted Lotti, grinning to himself and approaching her.

"Hey, Lotti."

"Oh!" she jumped, "Glen! What are you doing here?"

Levi stepped a little bit closer to her, placing a hand on her waist and whispering, "You owe me that dance now."

She glanced up at him as if he were crazy. "Huh?"

He chuckled, "The dance that Lacie promised me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but," Lotti told him, taking him by the hand and leading him to one of the bushes, "Ah, what the heck. What have I got to lose?"


	4. Chapter 4

**_(A/Ns: More ideas! Also, we get to see Gil and Vince in this one! Yes, it talks place after Levi and Lacie had been killed. I can totally imagine this happening. Happy Birthday to my friend!_**

 ** _Please review and give me prompts!_**

 ** _Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts)_**

 **Sex Education with Glen**

Oswald was lying down against a large oak tree located in the gardens of the Baskerville estate, dozing off slowly in the content peace of the secluded area.

However, with Gilbert and Vincent running around the estate, that peace was sure to be broken.

"Gleeeennnnn-sama!" Gil called after him, Vincent closely following behind him as they both skipped over to where Oswald was slumped. "Um… sorry to disturb you, master but…" he said nervously.

Oswald almost smiled up at them, saying calmly, "I'm not mad. Now, what is it you wanted to ask me?"

"Well… Alice is always being mean to us…" Gil explained shyly, "We… um, we were just wondering, well… Where did Alice come from?"

He sat up. "Alice was born from the previous Glen and my sister," Oswald replied, his tone shifting to slightly hostile at the mention of his previous master, "Although… both of them are deceased now."

"Noooo!" Vincent whined, hiding behind his brother and saying awkwardly, "We… meant… h-how babies were made…"

"…"

"Glen-sama?" Gil asked nervously, "I-I'm sorry… did we ask something bad?"

Oswald shook his head. "Um… no… it's fine," he answered, standing up and ruffling the two kids' hair and taking them by the hand, leading them towards the tower, "We should get back to the estate now."

"Don't avoid the questionnnnn!" Vincent grinned.

"Yeh, we want to know," Gil added, the three of them walking into the mansion, "We're curious!"

"Alright," Oswald sighed, preparing for the awkward discussion and pouring himself a glass of alcohol, "Sit down."

Gil and Vincent did as told, awaiting patiently on the sofa. Shortly after, Oswald sat down opposite them, taking a sip from the drink and talking quietly.

"Um…" he stuttered, "Well… when a girl and a boy feel certain… _feelings_ … for each other… they… um, well, they'll usually start a relationship."

"And then a baby just appears?" Gil asked suspiciously.

Oswald shifted uncomfortably, "No… basically, in order to make a baby, they have to… um, well, they go into the bedroom, and do things which, well… you're a bit young to know about, but anyway, it's a bit… inappropriate… and messy…"

"Ohhhhhh… hehe," Vincent giggled, "So have you ever done those things then, Glen-sama?"

Oswald felt himself blushing, standing up and turning away from them. He downed the rest of the alcohol, pouring himself another glass straight away and finally replying, "… well… n-"

"Glen?" a female voice called into the room, Lotti walking in shortly after, "Oh, hey Vince, Gil!"

"Lotti-san!" they both cheered.

Gil continued, "Glen-sama is telling us how babies are made!"

"Eh?" Lotti raised an eyebrow at him.

He shook his head, desperately drinking more of the alcohol. "You have no idea…"

"Lotti?" Vincent tilted his head up at her, "Have you ever done _those_ things?"

"Oh, haha!" she laughed, "Well, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't got in on a bit of action with the previous Glen."

Oswald glared at her, "Lotti… shut up…"

"Why does Glen-sama seem mad?" Gil questioned quietly, fearing that he may have pried for too much information.

Lotti glanced across the room, watching as Oswald continued drinking. She grinned down at the two kids.

"Don't worry. Our master is what's known as an 'alcoholic'."


	5. Chapter 5

_**(A/Ns: Yes, I know Oswald's birthday was yesterday, but I ran out of time to do this yesterday, so I'm uploading it from my phone... I haven't abandoned this fic, don't worry. Yes, this is just crack. Contains some swearing, drinking and mentions of sex.**_

 ** _Please review! All prompts welcome!_**

 ** _Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts)_**

 **Oswald's Birthday Party**

"Happy Birthday Oswald!"

Oswald walked into Lacie's room, with the simple intention of saying goodnight to her before retiring himself, considering it was already 11pm.

But, instead, he was bombarded with brightly coloured decorations and a drinks tray in the corner which was practically inviting him over.

In front of him stood the current Glen - Levi, his sister - Lacie, Jack and Lotti, who was one of the newer Baskervilles.

Oswald narrowed his eyes at them suspiciously. "How did you know March 10th was my birthday?"

Levi rolled his eyes, sighing, "Come on, Oswald. Loosen up a bit! It's your birthday!"

"I know that…" Oswald deadpanned, "What I want to know is: how did you know it was?"

"I told them," Lacie informed him casually.

"Right…"

There was a brief moment of silence, before Levi stalked over to Oswald, leaning an elbow onto his shoulder and whacking him in the face with his hair.

"Now," he started, grinning across at his valet, "You have two choices; One, we all get completely wasted. Or two, Lotti gives you a lap dance."

"... neither?"

"Nope," Levi shook his head, "Not an option."

"Ugh… fine," Oswald exhaled, "Urhm…. option two?"

"Is that a question or an answer?"

"An answer?"

Levi frowned, "You really are tragic… anyway, drinks are over there."

Oswald's vision travelled across the room to the drinks tray, where Lacie and Jack were already pouring a round.

On the other hand, Levi and Lotti had closed the gap between them at some point, Levi running a finger up her neck and bringing her eyes up to level with his as he continued speaking, "And as for that lap dance… if you don't want it, then I'll just have it."

"Don't be greedy," Lotti teased, "You already had enough of that this morning."

Levi fake pouted, the frown quickly twitching into a smirk. "I know you want more yourself…"

Meanwhile, Oswald cause only stare in awe at the two of them, shaking it off as he proceeded to the drinks and poured himself a glass of whiskey.

"Hey, Oswald!" Jack chimed, practically skipping over to his 'friend', "Sorry we didn't get you any gifts. I don't really know what you like…"

Oswald glared weakly at the blonde, downing the glass of alcohol before replying quietly, "Neither do I…"

…..

3 hours later…

By 2am the next morning (meaning it wasn't even Oswald's birthday anymore), everyone was more or less completely off their heads, Lacie having passed out on the floor about half an hour ago.

Jack wasn't too bothered by her absence (actually, he was completely oblivious to it) and so ended up rambling endlessly to Oswald, who, to put it bluntly, didn't listen to a single word of it.

Across the room, Lotti had officially given her original gift for Oswald to Levi, the two currently being under the covers creating certain movements which were completely foreign to Oswald.

But, the occasional creaking of the mattress along with the clothes discarded on the floor was enough for Oswald to come to a pretty accurate conclusion on what they were doing under there.

"Oswald? Are you even listening to me?"

Oswald was snapped out his trance by Jack, waving a hand in front of his face.

Bluntly, he responded, "No… not really."

"Oh… I'm gonna go now… its late…" Jack muttered, frowning for a moment before standing up and stumbling over to the door. Right before he left, he turned around to Oswald, gesturing to Lacie passed out on the floor, "Make sure Levi doesn't fuck Lacie…"

"Might be a bit late for that…"

Jack froze. "Huh?"

"... never mind. It's nothing."

Oswald watched Jack leave after that, deciding that he couldn't be bothered to go anywhere else to sleep.

Laying back on the sofa and placing an arm behind his head, Oswald murmured to himself, "I'm fairly certain this isn't how a birthday is supposed to be spent…"


	6. Chapter 6

_**(A/Ns: I haven't abandoned this yet, don't worry. I researched this, and strip clubs did exist around the mid 1800s. This contains some sexual stuff i guess, and more Baskerville style crack humour like usual. I might make a second part to this, not sure yet.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts**_

 _ **Oh, and to 'Spiritual-Sister' from the reviews: fuck you, troll. Get off my account)**_

 **The Guy's Night Out**

"Hey! Oswald!" Levi called, prancing into his valet's work office and slamming his hands down onto the desk, "Guy's night out, am I right?"

Oswald froze, lifting his pen from the paper and glancing up quizzically at his master. "Have you been drinking?"

"Probably," Levi replied, nudging Oswald on the shoulder, "So, you coming with me or what?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No," Levi chuckled, "As your master, I order you to come with me."

For a few moments, Oswald fell silent, before asking hopefully, "Will there be alcohol there?"

Subtly, Levi's lips twitched into an eager smirk, as he patted his valet reassuringly on the shoulder. "Oh, trust me my friend, there will be _way_ more than just alcohol where we're going…"

…

"Levi…" Oswald stuttered, staring nervously up at the sign of flashy lights, "… why are we at a strip club?"

"Because you need to learn a thing or two about this kind of thing!" Levi claimed, "They're fairly new, but lemme tell ya, they sure are fun."

"Um…"

"Come on, don't be such an awkward virgin," Levi teased, opening the doors of the club and stepping in, dragging Oswald by the arm and slamming the door behind them.

The second the doors shut, the two were blinded by flashing lights. A strong scent of alcohol and a faint trace of cigarette smoke lingered within the room, terrible music pounding in their eardrums.

"Don't you just love this place?" Levi yelled over the music.

"Um… no."

"Hey boys~" a voice interjected, the clicking of heels increasing as the silhouette approached them, "Do I have a new client?"

"Hey! Lotti!" Levi cheered, throwing an arm around the girl and discreetly placing a hand on her hip, tugging the waistband of her skirt, "I didn't know you worked here!"

"Well… I was just looking for a bit of extra money, you know~" Lotti purred, "But I'd be more than happy to give you a discount on my special package~"

"Sounds like a plan," Levi smirked, placing his lips onto hers and burying his tongue inside of her mouth.

"Er…" Oswald murmured. Swiftly, Lotti whisked Levi from the room, and Oswald was fairly certain her hand had slid into Levi's pants at some point. "I need a drink..."

Just as he reached the much desired bar, something familiar was caught in the corner of his vision, causing him to retreat a few steps and blink a few times; still adjusting to the light.

And then, he saw it.

On one of the loveseats beside the main pole was none other Jack, his eyes fixed on the girl twisting around the pole, her brown hair swaying with her body every time she pulled a new move.

"LACIE?!" Oswald yelped involuntarily, storming over to the couple, "What the hell?!"

"Oh, hiya Oswald!" Jack greeted casually.

"Ignore him, he's drunk," Lacie dismissed, climbing down from the pole and pulling the feather mask from her face, "So, I wouldn't have expected you to be the type of person to come to a place like this, being the number one Baskerville labelled as the 'awkward virgin'."

"At least I'm not the Baskerville whore unlike someone…" Oswald deadpanned, gesturing with a finger to the door in the corner of the room.

"Yeh, but he's a good fuck."

"… why are you here again?"

"I wanted to take Jack out on an interesting night out," Lacie shrugged, sipping from her glass, "Is that a problem, _brother_?"

"No, I guess not…" Oswald sighed, "Levi dragged me along to here, so I guess I at least have-"

"Heyyy! Oswald!" Jack pranced over to them, "Why are you here?"

"I just said, Levi-"

"Sorry sorry, I'd love to talk," Jack smiled, grabbing Lacie's hand and shuffling away with her, "But me and Lacie have a private boudoir booked for… now. See ya!"

"Bye, _brother_ ~" Lacie teased, turning back around to Jack and running her fingers through his blonde hair, disassembling the plait before pushing him backwards into the room.

As the door slammed shut, Oswald couldn't help but sigh and ask himself, "Why am I friends with these people…?"


	7. Chapter 7

_**(A/Ns: So... i started writing this a few months ago and got this far with the intention of it being a oneshot, but... i abandoned it... so now, i'm just going to upload it in separate parts on here. The next part will be ch 8 and so on, and im not sure when it'll finish.**_

 _ **Thank you to those who reviewed; i'll try to throw some jack x Oswald in here at some point :)**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts)**_

 **Sick Day, Part I**

"Master Glen?"

No answer.

"Master?"

Still no answer.

Oswald sighed, repeatedly knocking on his master's bedroom door as he tried a new approach, "Levi?"

Technically, Oswald wasn't supposed to address Glen by his real name, but it was his last resort at this point. Usually, Levi was awake and irritating him with unnecessary and unreasonable requests by 9 in the morning, absolute latest. However, today, it was 11am already, and Levi still hadn't awakened.

Furthermore, Levi had a ceremony which he was required to attend at 1pm, and as Glen, he really should go, even if he did have ultimate control over the Baskervilles. Also, knowing Levi, he would want to spend about half an hour to an hour on his hair (well, by that he meant forcing Oswald to do his hair for half an hour).

"Levi?" He called once more, and, still receiving no answer, clicked the door open and stepped inside. It was completely dark, the curtains still drawn allowing no light into the room.

Oswald slowly wandered over to Levi's bed, noticing the mountain of pillows and sheets, piled up in the centre of the mattress. As he got closer, he began to notice the lilac hair spayed across the pillow, with his master's forehead barely peeking out the top of the sheets.

"Master Glen," Oswald repeated calmly, carefully removing one of the sheets from the mound. Instantly, Levi screwed his eyes shut, pulling yet another sheet over them and turning his back to his valet.

Already annoyed, Oswald walked over to the curtains and pulled them open, allowing the light to pour into the room.

"Mhmm... no," he heard Levi grunt, shielding himself from the light.

"Master, you need to wake up now," Oswald sighed, frowning and walking back over to the bed, "Stop being lazy."

"No," Levi repeated stubbornly, "I don't feel... good..."

Oswald face palmed mentally, "And what exactly is wrong with you, Master Glen?"

"Stop calling me Glen," Levi demanded, "I'm too sick, and it's pissing me off."

"Alright," Oswald replied, his irritation piquing as his master continued to act obnoxious like always, "Levi, what is wrong with you?"

"My head hurts..." he whined, his voice being muffled by the pillow which his face was planted on, "And I'm cold... and my stomach feels... urp... and my throat...I dunno, I just feel shit."

"Well, would you like me to call for a doctor?" suggested Oswald, turning on his heel and beginning to make his way over to the bells mounted on the wall by the door.

Of course, Levi would complain about that. "No," he said sulkily, grabbing Oswald's wrist before he could leave and pulling him down to sit on the edge of the bed, "I don't like doctors."

"Levi..." he sighed, realising it was almost impossible to talk sense into his master, "They're trained and employed by you."

"I know but," Levi paused to sniff, "... I don't wanna..."

"Why not?"

"Cause Glen isn't supposed to get sick..."

"Fine, what do you suggest?"

"You stay here," he instructed of his valet.

"Why?" Oswald screwed his face up. Whilst he had never experienced a sick Levi before, he could imagine quite vividly what it would be like.

"Because..." Levi's voice drifted off, "I said so..."

"Alright," Oswald gave in, standing up and walking back over to the door, "I'm getting you food."

Levi grimaced and complained, "I don't want food."

"Levi, you're eating," instructed Oswald.

"No. I'm your master. It's your job to do as I say."

"Yes, and it's also a valet's job to ensure his master is well."

"Tch, fine," Levi accepted reluctantly, too tired and fed up to argue anymore, "Just get on with it."


End file.
